little do you know
by malfoymannor
Summary: heartbreak and haunted memories. based off of little do you know by alex & sierra.


_little do you know, how i'm breaking while you fall asleep._

Running, leaping, colliding. That's what Bellamy remembers as he's talking to Octavia. One moment he's facing Octavia, the next he has an armful of Clarke and he doesn't know what to do about it. His mind is reeling, confusion, relief, happiness all floating through his mind. At first he just stands there, and then he throws caution to the wind and his arms around loop around her. With her in his arms, the rest of the world fades away. Octavia's knowing look is sent into the background, all he knows now is Clarke's warm body in his arms. And then just as fast as it began, she's out of his arms in a whirlwind, hugging Octavia, happy to see both of them again. His heart is hammering in his chest, the memory of her hair tickling his face all too fresh on his mind.

He doesn't remember when he went from hating her to loving her, but he's resigned to the fact that this is his reality now. He's in love with the stubborn Princess and there's nothing that he can do now but to accept everything that comes with that. Some days he still wants to throttle her, she's even more reckless than Octavia was on her worst days. All she ever wants to do is to help people, and she doesn't ever seem to care that she might be putting herself in danger. He wants to keep her safe, to do everything he can to protect her, because he knows that she's not going to look out for herself on her own. This revelation was something that took him by surprise, because these kinds of feelings were previously reserved for Octavia; he'd never had anyone to care about like that before, except O. It was terrifying. He wants to run from those feelings. He wants to hide, to cave in on himself.

_little do you know all my mistakes are slowly drowning me, little do you know_

When the chance arises for him to go into the mountain, he knows that he's going to have to be the one to do this, because if he doesn't, then Clarke will, and he can't have that happening. He knows how dangerous it is, and he knows that he might die in the process, but living in a world without Clarke was something he didn't know if he could live with. He believes in her, trusts her judgment to the point that he knows that he would blindly follow her into the darkness. He doesn't care anymore. Leaving her and going into that mountain was going to be the hardest thing he had ever done. When Octavia was young, he knew that he would do anything for her, because he loved her. He felt the same for Clarke but it was a different kind of love. It was an all consuming, soul crushing kind of love. Clarke was the Earth and he was the moon, forever going 'round and 'round, following her to the ends of time and space.

He would always give her what she needed, and would do his best to not hold her back. He knew that he had been possessive and demanding with Octavia, out of the need to keep her safe. She was his entire life for so long, and then Clarke came into the picture and he realized that wasn't how he should love someone, it wasn't how you kept them safe. Bellamy needed to let her be her own person, to make her own choices, and support her regardless of the consequences. It was something that she had done with him from Day One, to support him, even when she would fight him tooth and nail in the beginning, begging him to change his mind. But once he had decided on something, she would help.

_little do you know, i love you 'til the sun dies _

He had seen the way that the Commander had looked at Clarke, they had that in common at least. They looked at her "like she was the ocean and they desperate to drown." And he saw the broken, missing piece of her soul in her eyes when she had come back. How she had changed while he had been in that mountain, how she had sacrificed a piece of herself so that they could all enjoy their freedom. She had said "I bare it, so they don't have too." She was putting it all on herself, even though he had made it know that she didn't have to. So many times he had just wanted to tell her how he really felt, hoping that maybe it would change something. That she would feel the same, that she would stay with him. But he knew that she couldn't stay, she wouldn't stay. She had inspired him to be the best person he could be, to lead their people, to give them their best shot. He had wanted to try and do that for Clarke, but upon looking at her outside the gates of Jaha, he knew that something was going to change.

"If you need forgiveness, I'll give that to you. You're forgiven. Please come inside," he heard himself, the words just spilling out of his mouth. He would have said anything if it meant her staying here with him.

But her response was, "Take care of them for me."

_i love you like i've never been afraid, just wait_

And he knew she wasn't going to stay, that there wasn't anything that he could do or say that would make her stay. So he let her go. He knew that this was what was best for Clarke, even thought it would rip him apart, sending him spiraling. But he could never be selfish with her; he would put her needs first. As long as she was alive, that's all that mattered to him.

His heart was breaking with every breath she took, with every look she gave him in those final moments. A kiss on the cheek, a warm hug, and a lingering glance. And then just like that, she was gone, her scent fresh in his nose and his arms aching with the ghost sensation of Clarke that had been there mere seconds before. Her final whispered phrase was like the whispering wind, surrounding him on all fronts.

"May we meet again."

_i'll wait, i'll wait, i love you like you've never felt the pain, i'll wait_


End file.
